I poop on you!

So, what's the difference between a Yankee and a Muscovy duck you ask? One is a disgusting and loathsome invasive species that uses Florida as it's own personal toilet. The other has feathers. Everyone in Florida knows the persistent plague of festering feces factories that are otherwise known as the Muscovy duck, Cairina moschata. I'm pretty sure that Obi Wan sliced the beak off of one of these bastards in the the Mos Eisley cantina scene in Star Wars. "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy, and watch your step. These son's of bitches shit everywhere."

Muscovy's aren't true ducks (like say a mallard, for example), they are actually tree dwellers, and instead of the standard "AFLAC!" they emit a hissing noise that sounds like a baby farting. The males can grow to upwards of 15 pounds, and they can be discerned by their mottled coloring and hideously disfigured face. Seriously, I've seen better complexions at the Mercy Hospital burn unit. A single duck is capable of producing nearly a half a pound worth of putrid butt ooze each day, and these ducks don't exactly travel alone. Luckily for me, I live next to a canal and people love to feed these guys so there is no shortage of shit. There's nothing quite like walking out to get the paper in the morning and stepping in a giant pile of duck flop to get your Sunday started off right. I should also note that since the Muscovy is a nonnative and invasive species, I'm free to harass and "humanely euthanize" it.
















Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! There's a spot that hasn't been shat upon!



Thankfully, I have a dog in whose genetic makeup is so ingrained the desire to seek and destroy birds that eradication of the poop flingers appears to be her primary goal in life. When the females are fledging chicks (which is pretty much every 3o minutes), they tend to be fairly aggressive. On several occasions the females have charged Katie. She responds by grabbing them by the neck and shaking vigorously (I never said they were smart animals). And yes, to answer your question, this is immediately followed by massive amounts of crapping on the part of the duck.

On our nightly walk this evening, we were approached by a youngling of the poopiest kind. I tried to pull the dog in the other direction, but it was no use. With one quick snap, a couple of chomps, and a gulp there was one less duckling to contend with. Like I said, these animals didn't branch too far off the lineage that spawned the dodo bird. Oh well, at least that's one less Muscovy to deal with. I'm just hoping the pooping isn't contagious.