Nick Saban has just announced that he has no interest in the Michigan job. Ha ha. The reason that's funny is because Nick Saban's a first class douchebag who parrots this mantra whenever a coaching position opens up on his never-ending coaching carousel of pain and disenchantment. Lastly in Miami, and LSU before that, and at Michigan State before that, and at Tol.... well you get the picture. What's the genesis of this missive, you may ask? You mean other than the fact that I despise Alabama with a deep-seeded hatred so powerful and so dense that I've inadvertently created my own gravatational field? Well, in case you somehow missed it, we were privy to what could be described as the most monumental upset in college football since Centre College defeated Harvard in 1921. In a game for the ages, Appalachian State beat the mighty Wolverines by a score of 34-32. Michigan was (with a serious stress on the was) ranked #5 at the time and considered a contender for the B(ull)cS(hit) national championship. Appy State wasn't ranked, in fact they are in a lower classification than Michigan. This marks the first time in history that a ranked D-IA school has lost to a D-IAA school. But hey, at least the Michigan fans are taking it well.
Fig. 1 Hatred of bammer spawning gravitational field.
Sow now that's out of the way, on to the real football discussion. You know, the SEC. So what did we learn from week one?
LSU (last week: State, 45-0 win; this week #9 VPI (9:15 EST ESPN): Last week LSU took the bullies out behind the woodshed and laid a whipping on them that would make Mike Vick cry. Still, what do we know about LSU? The chances are good that most teams on State's schedule will skull drag them in similar fashion. LSU's offense looked fairly pedestrian. Of course, with Henig setting up the fighting corndogs on it's side of the 50 yard line with each of his 1,274 interceptions it's not like LSU had too far to go. Matt Flynn looked a lot better in the 2nd half, and Early Doucett had a nice game. Still, we'll find out about LSU this weekend. If I was a betting man, I'd take the under (39 1/2).
Auburn (Last week: Kansas St, 23-13 win; this week S. Florida (9:00 EST ESPN2): Well, different year same results. Auburn's offense sputtered for 56 minutes before finally putting together a drive for the go ahead touchdown. The normally dependable ground game was no where to be found. KSU brought pressure and Auburn's young line was unable to block, backs were unable to block, and wide receivers were unable to fight off single coverage. Bright spots included the tight ends and the kicking game. With the road slate, the close wins from last year are likely to be marked up in the "L" column.
Arkansas (Last week: Troy, 46-26 win; this week bye) Arkansas, the beautiful state. What a pile of shit. Arkansas didn't have a qb complete a pass to a wide receiver until the 3rd quarter. But as long as his most holy, lord and destroyer of the universe stays healthy it doesn't really matter. Just don't get in any more bar fights. Lets see if the Arkansas passing game fares any better against bye. I'm not holding my breath.
Tennessee (Last week: @ #12 Cal, 45-31 loss; this week S. Miss) Claynation has a tremendous account of this one, so I won't try expound on it. Let's just say UT better solidify the D or else Phat is going to have an unwelcomed surprise in his Krispy Kremes.
Mmmmm. DoughnutsFlorida (Last week: WKU 49-3 win; this week Troy) The Tim Tebow show got off to a rousing start, but the defense leaves a lot to be desired. What, exactly, can be ascertained from this beatdown? Not much. Troy appears to be trying for the Around-the-world SEC beatdown award.
Georgia (Last week: Okie St. 35-14 win; this week 'Cocks) The dawgs probably had the most impressive showing of the opening weekend. Okie State was the mediots Cinderella pick going into the opening weekend. UGA laid the smack down. This week should prove to be more of a challenge as Darth Visor brings the 'Cocks strolling into town. It should be a good game.
As for the rest, bama, Vandy, Ole Miss, mildcats all opened with wins. Don't know much about any of these teams at this point, but we should have a much clearer picture on all (except for maybe UK) by this time next week. I look for Vandy to give bammer a good game, and Mizzou to absolutely thrash yar yar yar.
Also, let me use this time to give a hardy F*** You! to ESPN, who in their grand wisdom decided to break into coverage of the Auburn game last week to show the end of a meaningless Red Sox game. Do those idiots actually think the people tuned into the AU/KState game gave a rip about a no-hitter? I mean, I'm sure if you pumped up Aubie with enough steroids even he could no hit the Orioles. KMA Disney Lite, just another case of the man keeping me down!
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