Boom Motherf*cker, Yeah!

Ok, so Borges is out, Tony Franklin is in. I'm not sure what to think about this. I remain ambivalent on the subject. I'm not enamored with the spread, in any of it's various incarnations. However, it's not like I have a choice in the matter. What I do know is that I have a non-homoerotic man crush on Will Muschamp, and since Bobby Petrino is a slimy piece of dog squeeze it looks like we've lucked into keeping him around for another season. Boom!

THINGS I'M CURRENTLY PISSED ABOUT...

HDMI cables. First, yes I've been slacking in my blog posts. I'm sure y'all are so upset about it. Let me introduce what I'm sure will become a regular feature here at the BFPC, Things I'm Currently Pissed About... If any of y'all are like me, you've been lured into the world of High Definition television like a moth to a flame. The intoxication of 1080 progressively scanned lines of resolution illuminating the soft glow of electric sex finally became more than I could bear. For anyone still sitting on the fence, the prices have come down to the point that you might as well take the plunge. I'm pretty happy with my Sammy. You can make out on the rear projection units. Lots more bang for your buck, unless you just have to be one of THOSE people who has to hang their TV on the wall. The new microdisplay technology in the RPTVs means that these things aren't much larger than the flat pannels anyway. My Samsung has a 46" screen, but it's less than 12" deep and weighs less than 30 pounds. All this and it was under $800. So what are you waiting for? You've not seen Brandon Cox throw an interception until you've seen him throw one in HD. So you may be asking what, exactly, am I pissed about? Well, although prices on hardware are certainly coming down, all the big box stores are making up for it by bilking people on ridiculously overpriced cables. HDMI (High Definition Multimedia Interface) cables are the standard way to hook up your HDTV to receive HD programing. You see, those little yellow cables on the RCA bundles don't cut it for HDTV. Those are analog. You must have a digital to digital interface connection in order to receive the HD programs you're paying all that money for. The two common ways to achieve this are through A.) HDMI and B.) Composite video. HDMI is by far the more popular of the two, in large part because HDMI carries both audio and video signals. The problem is the same person who sales you your new HDTV is going to tell you in order to receive the best picture you need to pay $100 for this 3' cable. "Your picture is only as good as the cable". Bullshit. Seriously, a digital cable is a digital cable. Just because it's "gold plated" and comes in a fancy package doesn't mean it's a better quality cable. People are obviously falling for this scam left and right, because you can't find a HDMI cable for under $40 at Best Buy, Circuit City, Radio Shack, Brands Mart, etc... And most of them are in the $75-100 range. I spent the better part of 3 hours driving around town trying to find a cheap HDMI cable Friday (I picked up one of those $99 HD DVD players at WalMart and I was determined to hook it up). The salespeople at Brandsmart and Best Buy actually laughed at me when I asked them if they had any HDMI cables under $20. Well, I finally found one for $24 at Tiger Direct, but you can do even better if you are more patient than I was willing to be. Try $5. That's right. Don't buy the shit they're selling you.

Reports of Auburn's Demise have been Greatly Exagerated

Wow, what a difference a couple of weeks can make. Three weeks into the season Auburn was sitting at 1-2 and looking down the barrel of a 5-7 type season. Not something most Tiger fans had envisioned heading into the slog of the SEC stretch. Much gnashing of teeth following 3 straight sub par offensive performances and two losses to what were assumed to be wins in the preseason brought some of the same harpies out of hiding that showed up in force circa September 2003. Granted, it was certainly not without some concern and trepidation that we here at the Cup suggested hard times were not a harbinger of woe and destruction on what was the sound foundation of this program laid by Tubs & Co. Still, we worried. However, at about halftime of the New Mexico State game, some rip in the cosmic space-time continuum occurred that changed the course of the season to date. It then spilled over into Gainesville and has been rolling down hill like a ball of butcher knives ever since. The results of this cosmic fart are plain to see, but the mechanism which put them to play is much harder to dissect. I give you exhibit A:



As we can see here, there is a pretty strong correlation between a decrease in turnovers, an increase in rushing yards from the rbs, Cox's qb rating and an increase in total wins. Granted, it doesn't exactly take a rocket scientist to come up with this formula for success, but it's amazing to have occurred so quickly given what we know to be true. First, through 3 games Brandon Cox had been inexplicably and absolutely awful. This was something I didn't see coming. I never expected Cox to light the world on fire, but he had proven to me to be a solid SEC quarterback. They kind of guy who could make all the routine throws needed to be successful, and at the same time come through with a clutch play come crunch time. According to Al "Genius/Idiot" Borges, Brandon had been pressing too much early on to make plays, and sitting him down seemed to clear his mind and give him a new perspective on things. Whatever the case, Brandon has been lights out from the 2nd half of the NMSU game on and if anyone deserves success it's this guy. And speaking of Borges, it seems that he is once again a "genius" and "offensive mastermind", so make note of this on all future correspondence. Warning, this is a volatile market, and we here at the BFPC can not guarantee long term returns in this arena. Purchase at your own risk!

Borges, Genius or Idiot? Your opinion may vary (in a direct linear relationship to offensive production and wins).

What has also been amazing is the total turnaround in nearly every facet of offensive production. Nothing has really changed as far as game plans or play calling, it's just that the execution has reached a point that it has allowed Borges to utilize more of said playbook to keep defenses from stacking the line. The receivers have gone from liability to asset literally over night. Hell, even Tommy Trott has made some nice plays. Inconceivable! Next thing you know, King Dunlap will be pancaking half of the defensive front on every snap.


All of this in what has likely been the toughest stretch on the injury front in the 9 years of the Tubby regime. This, combined with other factors *cough cough* jetgate/crappy signing class *cough cough* has led to Auburn playing a ridiculous number of underclassmen. Lets take a look at the Vandy game. More specifically, at the starting lineup. Against Vandy, Auburn started 11 freshmen and sophomores. Both of Auburn's kickers also happen to be freshmen. Now we're not talking about providing depth here, these guys are seeing the majority of the snaps. Besides these starters there are other young faces making regular contributions. Kodi Burns, Michael McNeil, Bo Harris, Chris Slaughter, Tim Hawthorne, Antoine Carter, and Michael Goggans, among others, have all seen more snaps that the coaches would most likely be comfortable with under ideal circumstances. This week also saw the cheery popping of two more players. In an effort to give the starters a break from special teams duties and provide some depth, the coaches pulled the redshirts off of DB Ryan Williams and LB Josh Bynes.


The two areas seeing the greatest attrition have been along the offensive line and at linebacker. The play of the three true freshmen along the Oline has been nothing short of remarkable. Lee Ziemba, Chaz Ramsey, and Ryan Pugh have started since the New Mexico State game, and have acquitted themselves admirably. The running game has also come along nicely. Ben Tate and Mario Fannin have improved each and every game, and the return of Brad Lester provided an additional shot in the arm against the 'Dores. Given the injuries to key defensive players, it's going to be imperative that the offense sustains drives in the next two games. Both Arkansas and LSU are more than capable of pounding the ball an wearing out even the hardiest defense (even if someone informs Les Miles that you do, in fact, only get 4 downs per offensive series, not 5).

Tray Blackmon, the best player in Auburn History to never play a snap.

What all this means the rest of the way, I'm not sure. In a year which a team is capable of getting "Croomed" at home and turnaround and whip the Gators in the swamp anything is most likely possible. What is certain is that Tuberville is now 5-0 against top 5 teams and has won 9 out of his last 10 against top 10 ranked squads. I don't expect Auburn to win the rest of their games, but I think they'll have a shot in all of them. And given the bleak outlook of a mere 2 weeks ago that is saying a lot.

A visit to Spain. Sorta...

This year I've visited two sites of national significance, both of which happen to have been built by the Spanish before the end of the 18th century. They both served, among other purposes, as important centers for the whole-sale slaughter re-edumacation of native peoples. These two national historical landmarks I'm talking about are the Alamo Mission in San Antonio, TX (29°25′30.46″N, 98°29′8.81″W) and the Castillo de San Marcos in St. Augustine, FL (29°53′52″N, 81°18′41″W). Also unique about these two locales is I think they may be the only pre-19th century historical sites I've visited anywhere in the nation which do not contain a historical marker talking about how Andrew Jackson killed a bunch of Indians. But who am I kidding, I'm sure I just missed it. Anyhoo, I took a bunch of photos I thought might be of some interest (click on the thumbnail or link for the larger image).


Alamo













So the Alamo is a rather nondescript feature of downtown San Antonio. It's not really what one would picture when thinking of the battle of independence of Texas. Of course, during the actual siege and battle, the battlements covered much more area than the current memorial does. You won't see any pictures of the interior, because it is basically considered a holy site. It's pretty surreal. I didn't take any pictures of the riverwalk or anything. It's a cool place to hang out and have a few beers, but it's basically just a bunch of shops, bars, and restaurants.

Here are a couple of exterior shots. One of the back, one of the hump, and one from the side. I also took this one of the facade. I find it more appealing oriented horizontally for some reason. dunno, but it just seems to draw me in more.


Here are a couple of pics from the memorial













Crockett and Travis
Bowie and Bonham

Castillo de San Marcos






The walls of the Castillo are made of Coquina, which is a sedimentary rock formed mainly from eons of depositions of marine benthic macroinvertebrates. This stone was great for building forts, because it was relatively soft and cannon balls would sort of sink into the walls rather than shatter them.













A shot of the north wall facing west. Note the shallow moat.

Another shot of the north wall, facing NE.

The Spanish flag flying over the SE wall.

The interior of the fort was pretty dank, and a tad on the warm and musty side. I'm sure it would have sucked in June wearing full military regalia. But it probably would have sucked less than getting shot in the ass by an arrow.










powder magazine, back in bowels (you've got to crawl through to get in here)
A Cannon. All of the Spanish artillery pieces had extremely elaborate decorative touches and inlays. Most of the cannons and mortars were forged out of copper. Signage indicated they were on loan from the US military academy, although one of the larger mortars was on loan from Yale. WTF?

I also took a few pictures of the chapel. I thought the details on the holy water fonts were pretty intricate.

And lastly here is a picture from the Tolomato cemetery. which dates back to the early 18th century (the cemetery, not the picture you wise ass).

Mmmm.... (Chocolate covered) Bacon.

I've been lax in posting lately. This is due in large part, as you've most likely surmised, to the large pile of dog crap in the corner that is the Auburn football season to date. However, I just felt the urge to post this little tidbit I caught this morning. Apparently, Bill Richardson feels fat people need love too. Bill is the governor of N. Mexico and a candidate for the democratic nomination for POTUS. Up to this point I actually thought Bill had some good ideas (contrary to the popular notion I'm not a neo-con fascist war monger). But check this out.

Yesterday Bill called for obese Americans to be brought under the ADA.

"This is an issue of basic civil rights," said Richardson. "There are no federal laws that protect obese Americans from discrimination in the workplace, school, or anywhere else. This must change."

So now fat people are going to get special treatment for a condition they've brought on themselves? You've got to be F-n kidding me - and this is coming from someone who could easily stand to drop 30 pounds. You know, if America would quit eating so much chocolate covered bacon and got their fat ass out and did a little exercise we would all be a lot better off.

And it continues...

In addition to pushing for obese Americans to be brought under the protection of the A.D.A. with oversight belonging to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, Richardson also touted his plan for universal health coverage and called for "dramatically" boosting research efforts associated with obesity.

I love that part in there about "dramatically" boosting research. You know what that means... Dramatic tax increases. Hey Bill, let me save the American Taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars. I present to you this revolutionary equation that will solve the obesity problem in America.

Calories In < Calories expended = Weight Loss

The universal health care comment is another issue altogether (check out "Sick in America" w/ John Stossel on last week's 20/20 if you missed it), but maybe if we were in better shape we wouldn't have to worry about much other than major medical coverage anyway.

With an eye on phasing out the "freshman 15," Richardson would also like to see federal funds used to encourage colleges to offer physical education classes.

Yeah, because most colleges don't already have Student Act Centers, indoor gyms, weight rooms, bball, tennis, and racquetball courts, swimming pools, running/walking trails, intramural, club, and varsity sports, etc... We should definitely throw some tax money at this dilemma. Anyway, suffice it to say that I now think Bill Richardson is a moron.

I don't want to make light of the issue of obesity in this country. I don't think its hyperbole when it's labeled an epidemic. Still it is a problem that 99% of us have total control over. It just takes some self control and support. You don't have to go overboard either. Portion control has worked well for me. Don't deny yourself good food (Good & nutritious, not that empty calorie crap from McDonalds), you just have to watch the caloric intake.

6 years...

It still seems like yesterday, as the memory of that day will be forever ingrained in my mind. It's one of those "remember where you were" moments. I was down at Claude Peteet, weighing up fish when I first heard. I spent the rest of the day huddled around the TV with Potter and the other grad students in total disbelief of what was going on. It's still hard to get a handle on. I hope this date will always be preserved as a day of remembrance. A tribute to lives cut tragically short, and of the heroism and spirit that defines this grand experiment. God Bless.

Tirals & Tribulations: Lessons in perseverance

Good Lord, fitting is the scripture, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” If the last two weeks are any indication, Auburn fans are going to develop a lot of perseverance in the coming months. Auburn came into this game as a touchdown favorite yet managed to wrestle defeat away from the jaws of victory (with the help of 4 second-half turnovers) in a 26-23 loss to a game South Florida squad in overtime.

As expected, it don’t take long for the online quarterback/play calling savants to point out all of the mistakes and start offering advice on the best way to fix it. “Bench the quarterback the myrmidons cried!” Granted, as a 5th year senior, Brandon Cox’s performance to this point will need to improve before it could be fairly described as mediocre. Still, I can understand why the coaches are hesitant to give up on Cox. Cox is a known (albeit not highly talented) commodity. All we know about Blake Field is that he is capable of handing the ball off and not turning it over against inferior competition. Neil Caudle’s knees are made out of paper mache, and Kodi Burns in the heralded blue chip du jour.

“Let loose with the playbook! hark the cries from above!" Listen, everyone loved the ultra sexy double-reverse-to- the-halfback-fleaflicker play. But guess what, all the fancy play calling and multiple formations doesn’t mean shit when you can’t block, run routes, and catch the ball. When it gets right down to it, in order for Auburn’s offense to work, they must be able to run the ball effectively. To this point, we can’t. Auburn has yet to top 200 yards rushing, averaging 2.6 yards per carry. And I don’t mean 200 yards per game, I’m talking about we’re sitting on 187 total rushing yards through the first two games. That’s pathetic. Until we start running the ball with consistency we are going to continue to struggle on offense. In order for those fancy plays to work, opposing defenses have to fear some part of your offense. They have to fear it to the point that they overcompensate to try and stop it; Thus, leaving them vulnerable to things like play action, mis-direction, and the afore mentioned ultra-sexy wizz bang play. For the last several years, our running game was what opponents feared. Now, it’s more like a running joke (a bad offense deserves a bad pun made it its expense).

***Amber Alert*** Missing: Jason Campbell, Carnell Williams, Ronnie Brown, Kenny Irons, Ben Grubbs, Marcus McNiel, Ben Obomanu, Devin Aromashudu, Anthony Mix. If Found, please return (with a box of chocolate glazed cream filled KKs) to Auburn Athletic Dept. Offices Attn: Al Borges.

I’ve even heard some of the unwashed whine that Borges’ offense has been figured out and he’s really not that good. "Quick! Someone run over to Tommy Bahama, the Gorgeous one has no clothes!" Amazing how fast one goes form genius to idiot after losing 6 offensive players in the top 40 or so picks of the NFL draft over the last two years. We are very young on offense. That’s not an excuse, that’s just a fact. Coach Dye once said you could count on a loss for every freshman you had to play. Well, that’s one down with several more to come.

One area that continues to plague the team, and the one that bothers me the most personally, is our kick coverage. We continue to set the opposition up in tremendous field position by flying down out of control, diving at the ball carriers feet, and then chasing him down as he returns the ball another 15 yards up field. We don’t have a place kicker that can put the ball out of the endzone right now, so it is imperative that we pursue (under control) and tackle. Failure to tackle gave USF a short field on their final game-tying drive. According to Tuberville, there will be some personnel changes made here this week. Good.

In more positive news, I was highly impressed by the play of the defense and the true freshman kicker Wes Byrum. Wes might be the antithesis to that Dye adage, and actually win us a game. The defense gave an inspired performance, stonewalling the USF offense each time the Tiger offense put them in awful position after each turnover. This defense, and our kicking game, will keep us close in every game (provided the offense doesn’t keep turning the ball over 5 times per).

The offensive line played a lot better against USF. They only allowed one sack, and that was more of a case of good coverage down field and Brandon’s perpetual indecisiveness. (Apparently, on that play, he was unable to find triple coverage to float a pass into). Mario Fannin also gave the offense a real spark in the 2nd quarter. The fumbles really hurt, however (evoking of Dye adage here) I think he will learn from that and the offense will be much better as a result. I also noticed that Ben Tate ran the ball much more effectively when Fannin was sharing carries. Their running styles seem to compliment each other well. Gabe McKenzie continues to make me scratch my head and mumble, “Why, exactly, is Tommy Trott starting ahead of this guy again?” The receivers need to step up. Robert Dunn, thus far, is our most consistent guy. Prechae has made a lot of catches, but he’s also dropped a few key passes. Again, this is another area where the coaches have indicated we’ll see some personnel changes.

So, in summation, Auburn’s offense sucks. It does, however, suck slightly less than what is being reported. If/when the ground game starts to once more become reliable, I really think that will translate into Brandon becoming more confident. This should (knock on wood) result in better decisions on his part and fewer turnovers. This season is far from over, and I'm no where near ready to throw throw in the towel. Just keep in mind that right now there are probably a lot of jaded Tiger faithful, and the bandwagon over-floweth with those of the fair weather variety (Winning 36 out of the last 42 will do that). But take heart Auburn fans, it could be worse... We could be wearing the colors of Michigan or Notre Dame.

BREAKING NEWS from Tuscaloosa......

Nick Saban has just announced that he has no interest in the Michigan job. Ha ha. The reason that's funny is because Nick Saban's a first class douchebag who parrots this mantra whenever a coaching position opens up on his never-ending coaching carousel of pain and disenchantment. Lastly in Miami, and LSU before that, and at Michigan State before that, and at Tol.... well you get the picture. What's the genesis of this missive, you may ask? You mean other than the fact that I despise Alabama with a deep-seeded hatred so powerful and so dense that I've inadvertently created my own gravatational field? Well, in case you somehow missed it, we were privy to what could be described as the most monumental upset in college football since Centre College defeated Harvard in 1921. In a game for the ages, Appalachian State beat the mighty Wolverines by a score of 34-32. Michigan was (with a serious stress on the was) ranked #5 at the time and considered a contender for the B(ull)cS(hit) national championship. Appy State wasn't ranked, in fact they are in a lower classification than Michigan. This marks the first time in history that a ranked D-IA school has lost to a D-IAA school. But hey, at least the Michigan fans are taking it well.

Fig. 1 Hatred of bammer spawning gravitational field.

Sow now that's out of the way, on to the real football discussion. You know, the SEC. So what did we learn from week one?

LSU (last week: State, 45-0 win; this week #9 VPI (9:15 EST ESPN): Last week LSU took the bullies out behind the woodshed and laid a whipping on them that would make Mike Vick cry. Still, what do we know about LSU? The chances are good that most teams on State's schedule will skull drag them in similar fashion. LSU's offense looked fairly pedestrian. Of course, with Henig setting up the fighting corndogs on it's side of the 50 yard line with each of his 1,274 interceptions it's not like LSU had too far to go. Matt Flynn looked a lot better in the 2nd half, and Early Doucett had a nice game. Still, we'll find out about LSU this weekend. If I was a betting man, I'd take the under (39 1/2).

Auburn (Last week: Kansas St, 23-13 win; this week S. Florida (9:00 EST ESPN2): Well, different year same results. Auburn's offense sputtered for 56 minutes before finally putting together a drive for the go ahead touchdown. The normally dependable ground game was no where to be found. KSU brought pressure and Auburn's young line was unable to block, backs were unable to block, and wide receivers were unable to fight off single coverage. Bright spots included the tight ends and the kicking game. With the road slate, the close wins from last year are likely to be marked up in the "L" column.

Arkansas (Last week: Troy, 46-26 win; this week bye) Arkansas, the beautiful state. What a pile of shit. Arkansas didn't have a qb complete a pass to a wide receiver until the 3rd quarter. But as long as his most holy, lord and destroyer of the universe stays healthy it doesn't really matter. Just don't get in any more bar fights. Lets see if the Arkansas passing game fares any better against bye. I'm not holding my breath.

Tennessee (Last week: @ #12 Cal, 45-31 loss; this week S. Miss) Claynation has a tremendous account of this one, so I won't try expound on it. Let's just say UT better solidify the D or else Phat is going to have an unwelcomed surprise in his Krispy Kremes.

Mmmmm. Doughnuts

Florida (Last week: WKU 49-3 win; this week Troy) The Tim Tebow show got off to a rousing start, but the defense leaves a lot to be desired. What, exactly, can be ascertained from this beatdown? Not much. Troy appears to be trying for the Around-the-world SEC beatdown award.

Georgia (Last week: Okie St. 35-14 win; this week 'Cocks) The dawgs probably had the most impressive showing of the opening weekend. Okie State was the mediots Cinderella pick going into the opening weekend. UGA laid the smack down. This week should prove to be more of a challenge as Darth Visor brings the 'Cocks strolling into town. It should be a good game.

As for the rest, bama, Vandy, Ole Miss, mildcats all opened with wins. Don't know much about any of these teams at this point, but we should have a much clearer picture on all (except for maybe UK) by this time next week. I look for Vandy to give bammer a good game, and Mizzou to absolutely thrash yar yar yar.

Also, let me use this time to give a hardy F*** You! to ESPN, who in their grand wisdom decided to break into coverage of the Auburn game last week to show the end of a meaningless Red Sox game. Do those idiots actually think the people tuned into the AU/KState game gave a rip about a no-hitter? I mean, I'm sure if you pumped up Aubie with enough steroids even he could no hit the Orioles. KMA Disney Lite, just another case of the man keeping me down!

I poop on you!

So, what's the difference between a Yankee and a Muscovy duck you ask? One is a disgusting and loathsome invasive species that uses Florida as it's own personal toilet. The other has feathers. Everyone in Florida knows the persistent plague of festering feces factories that are otherwise known as the Muscovy duck, Cairina moschata. I'm pretty sure that Obi Wan sliced the beak off of one of these bastards in the the Mos Eisley cantina scene in Star Wars. "You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy, and watch your step. These son's of bitches shit everywhere."

Muscovy's aren't true ducks (like say a mallard, for example), they are actually tree dwellers, and instead of the standard "AFLAC!" they emit a hissing noise that sounds like a baby farting. The males can grow to upwards of 15 pounds, and they can be discerned by their mottled coloring and hideously disfigured face. Seriously, I've seen better complexions at the Mercy Hospital burn unit. A single duck is capable of producing nearly a half a pound worth of putrid butt ooze each day, and these ducks don't exactly travel alone. Luckily for me, I live next to a canal and people love to feed these guys so there is no shortage of shit. There's nothing quite like walking out to get the paper in the morning and stepping in a giant pile of duck flop to get your Sunday started off right. I should also note that since the Muscovy is a nonnative and invasive species, I'm free to harass and "humanely euthanize" it.
















Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! There's a spot that hasn't been shat upon!



Thankfully, I have a dog in whose genetic makeup is so ingrained the desire to seek and destroy birds that eradication of the poop flingers appears to be her primary goal in life. When the females are fledging chicks (which is pretty much every 3o minutes), they tend to be fairly aggressive. On several occasions the females have charged Katie. She responds by grabbing them by the neck and shaking vigorously (I never said they were smart animals). And yes, to answer your question, this is immediately followed by massive amounts of crapping on the part of the duck.

On our nightly walk this evening, we were approached by a youngling of the poopiest kind. I tried to pull the dog in the other direction, but it was no use. With one quick snap, a couple of chomps, and a gulp there was one less duckling to contend with. Like I said, these animals didn't branch too far off the lineage that spawned the dodo bird. Oh well, at least that's one less Muscovy to deal with. I'm just hoping the pooping isn't contagious.

What you should be watching

Is there a better show on TV right now then Rescue Me (Wed night on FX @ 10:00 EST)? Let me save you the trouble, the answer is no. You gotta give FX props for constantly churning out quality programing. Well, except for Nip/Tuck. That show is just F'ed up. Anyway, in case for some reason you've not caught this show, it's a drama (dramedy would actually be a more apt descriptor) that focuses on the lives of a group of New York City firefighters in the months and years following the September 11th attacks on the WTC. The main character, Tommy Gavin, is portrayed by Dennis Leary (who also happens to be the show's co-creater). Gavin's life is full of turmoil. He is a self-absorbed , womanizing, self-destructive, alcoholic who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder and is constantly talking to dead people. Or to put it more succinctly, he's Irish.

This show delves into some deep topics such as depression, homosexuality, alcoholism, and the fallout of 9/11; However, the writers provide enough levity that you don't end up wanting to suck down a fifth of Jameson at the end of the hour. Really, if you haven't checked this show out yet, do yourself a favor and watch it. Or better yet, rent the first 3 seasons on DVD and start from the beginning. I give this one 4 (out of a possible four) pimp cups.



This is so wrong, but so hilarious.

The 2007 Southeastern Conference preview... College Football's Royale with Cheese

So here we go, a mere week before kick off of the 2007 season. Ladies, kiss your husbands goodbye, for you'll not see them again until after the yule log burns out. It's about this time every season that every jack-off with a printing press in his mother's basement is churning out copy faster than a meth fiend, and I’m sure you’re getting tired of reading the same old boring pre-season run downs of who’s gonna win the SEC, who is going to challenge Darren McFadden for the title of Lord Superior/ Great Overlord and Master of the Universe, or which coach is the next to get fired. However, I felt I’d be remiss to dismiss this time honored tradition. Much like crack, it's I just chose to bring it to you from a different perspective. That is from the perspective of the baddest Mother F*cker on the planet…

So, how did we arrange this you ask? Well, here at the Cup we spare no expense, and it just so happens that Sam has a house out on Star Island, and we also go to the same barber. Anyway, BFPC caught up with Sam and got the lowdown on how things will unfold this season. Note, I've taken certain liberties within this course of this interview, but just be prepared that the language is raw and NSFW, but that's how SLJ rolls. Thus without further ado, tBFPC and Samuel L. Jackson are proud to present the stone cold locks for this upcoming SEC football season.

tBFPC: Well, I can tell you what a privilege this is to have you on our inaugural SEC preview Mr. Jackson, shall we get on with it?

SLJ: For sure.

tBFPC: So historically speaking the SEC is known year in and year out as being ht best conference, top to bottom, in the nation.

SLJ: The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to beat every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.



I beg to differ, the Big-10 would have something to say about that. I should know, I'm an impartial expert.


tBFPC: Good deal, so my initial thoughts are that this league is wide open. Of course the logical pick is LSU, but we all know the record of the trendy pick in seasons past. The favorite tends to choke like the Braves in October. So assuming corndog nation is left in the lurch that leaves us with Auburn, Arkansas, Florida, Tennessee, and Georgia being the legitimate threats to win this thing. In the second tier we have the 'Cocks and Fu#!$@. And although much improved, Vandy and the Mildcats don't stand a doughnut's chance in Phat Phil's office of contending. Both could well end up bowling which would be a solid effort for both programs. So we are now left with the state of Mississippi, Which reminds me of Alabama's state motto: "Thank God for Mississippi". So how should we separate these teams at the top? I prefer to look at schedules and returning starters (esp at key positions like along both sides of the line and at quarterback).


My lightsaber is the one that says "bad motherfucker"


So what we are left with is:

Auburn: 5th year senior qb, 2 returning OL, 4 DL,
schedule: @ Ark, @ UF, @ LSU, @UGA, Fu@$! comes to the plains

Arkansas: qb, What the fuck is that? 5 returning upperclassmen (UC) OL, 3 UC DL
schedule: @ fu#@!, @UT, @ LSU; Auburn and Carolina at Fayetteville

Florida: qb, Tebow, both lines are being reworked. Derrick Harvey (DE) is a stud
schedule: @ LSU and @ Miss. UT, Auburn, FSU all come to the swamp.

Tennessee: Sr. 3 yr starter qb, 2 returning starters on OL, 3 on DL.
schedule: @ dirty stinking hippies, @UF, @ Fu$#!; UGA, Ark, Carolina all come to Knoxvegas

UGA: Soph, 2nd year starter qb, reworking on both sides of the line (big holes to fill replacing Moses and Johnson on the DL)
schedule: @ Fu@$!, @UT, @ GT; Okie State, Carolina, and Auburn all come to UGA. Also, mark UF down as a loss.

---

So it's pretty open. That's why I'm going with Arkansas as the upset pick.

SLJ: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa... stop right there. Go'n against the favorite, and pickin' a bitch ass underdog ain't even the same fuckin' thing.
tBFPC: It's not. It's the same ballpark.
SLJ: Ain't no fuckin' ballpark neither. Now look, maybe your method of pickin differs from mine, but, you know, goin 'gainst the money, and pickin' the favorite, ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport. Look, pickin' the favorite don't mean shit.
tBFPC: Have you ever picked the favorite?
SLJ: Don't be tellin' me about pickin'. I'm the pickin' fuckin' master.
tBFPC: Picked a lot of 'em?
SLJ: Shit yeah. I got my technique down and everything, I don't be parlayin' or nothin'.
tBFPC: Would you give a guy an upset lock?
SLJ: Fuck you.
tBFPC: You give them a lot?
SLJ: Fuck you.
tBFPC: You know, I'm getting kinda tired. I could use a pick myself.
SLJ: Man, you best back off, I'm gittin' a little pissed here.

tBFPC: So, I guess you're not too high on the Hawgs?
SLJ: No man.
tBFPC: Why, Are you Jewish?
SLJ: Nah, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all.
tBFPC: Why not?
SLJ: Pigs are filthy animals. I don't pick filthy animals.
tBFPC: But McFadden is gooood. Jones is gooood.
SLJ: Hey, South Carolina State may run like shit through a goose, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't pick the filthy motherfuckers. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't pickin' nothin' that ain't got enough sense enough to disregard its own feces.

tBFPC: Fair enough, so who do you like?

SLJ: LSU; LSU and Tennessee.
tBFPC: Yeah, I think I pretty much agree. As much as I don't like picking the favorite, LSU is loaded and has the schedule in their favor.

So LSU v. UT in the SECCG. That's my pick and I'm sticking to it.

The league is loaded, from top to bottom, with superstars. Players like Darren McFadden on offense and Glen Dorsey on defense. It's a monster, and ya betta recognize. The league has gone 7-1 in the BCS since 2001, with two national titles. During that span, the Big Ten went 4-6 (with Ohio State winning three of those), the Big 12 went 3-6, and the ACC was 0-6. Since the inception of the B(ull)CS(hit) championship series, only three teams have won the MNC with a blemish on their record. What do these teams have in common you may ask? They were all from the SEC (yet an undefeated Auburn team was somehow deemed unworthy of the privilege of playing against the media's anointed).

Best Player in the league: Darren McFadden. You remember Super Tecmo "Bo", this is him. incarnate.

Best 5 players you may not have heard of:
1. Earl Bennett, WR Vandy
2. Peyton Hillis, RB Arky
3. Rafael Little, RB UK
4. Jasper Brinkley, LB 'Cocks
5. Sen'Derrick Marks, DE Aub

Team that will surprise:
Vanderbilt: The 'dores have a solid team, and look to have their best chance to go bowling in the last quarter century.

Team that will disappoint:
Florida: UF is ranked in the top 5 to start the season, and looses a lot of last year's MNC squad. They have a more favorable schedule, and a lot of talent but lack experience. Look for UF to fall back to around 9-3.

Predicted order of finish
SEC W
1. LSU
2. Auburn
3. Arkansas
4. Alabama
5. Ole Miss
6. Miss St.

SEC E
1. Tennessee
2. Florida
3. Georgia
4. South Carolina
5. Vandy
6. Kentucky

Championship game
LSU over Tennessee

Latest update on Hurricane Dean *

It was announced earlier today that Hurricane Dean plans to gain strength, then it's going to Mexico, and then on to Texas, and then Georgia, and then Florida, and then all the way to the White House Byaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!




*I got this one in the email and got a chuckle out of it.

13 Days from now....

Saban shows the goods...

Only 17 days left...

I plan to share my thoughts on the upcoming season soon (I'm sure you're all jumping with anticipation), but for now I leave you with this.

So, where are all the hurricanes at?

So, recently NOAA adjusted their projections for the 2007 tropical cyclone forecast for the Atlantic basin. The forecast calls for a maximum of 17 named storms and 9 hurricanes with 5 of them becoming major (cat 3-5 on the saffir-simpson). Now, while this is a slight decrease over the earlier forecast, it should be noted that they are calling for a 85% chance of an above average season. You can see the projected climate pattern for August and October below

People seem to have 2005 stuck in their heads. That was a year of unprecedented activity, culminating with a record 28th named storm - Zeta, where we were on our 7^th named storm in July, not to mention the occurrence of a rare early season major storm (Dennis, which impacted the Pensacola area on July 10th).

History being our guide, we’re not likely to see a repeat of the 2005 season anytime soon (thank God). Still, even though hurricane season begins June 1^st, it’s not until mid-August (like, right now) that we typically see activity ramp up in the tropics. Specifically it is the Cape Verdes storms that come off the Western edge of Africa, track across the Atlantic, and slam into the hurricane magnet AKA as South Florida.

Without going into too much boring detail and jargon, suffice it to say that so far climatic patterns have been unfavorable for tropical storm formation (even though we've already had 3 named storms), but this appears to be changing. If you are a weather fiend like me, you can read about the cause and effect in more detail on Dr. Jeff Master’s Wunderblog (linked below right) and by perusing the NHC Website.

I hope that this season turns out to be another dud like last year; However, there is no El Nino like last year to ward off the storms (in fact there appears to be a building La Nina which would favor storm formation). I have no desire to be “locked down” in the Miami-Dade County Emergency Ops “star wars” room. I “volunteered” for this duty – I have no dependents (although Katie might quibble with that) and am apparently expendable. Don’t worry, I’ve been trained by the braintrust at the Dept of Homeland Security.

Still, I'm not counting on it. 2004 was another very active year (remember Ivan, Charley, Frances, Jeanne?), which didn't see it's first hurricane until August. Hurricane Bonnie (Aug 22) was the first hurricane of the 98 season, which went on to have twice the number of hurricanes as an average year. Then of course we have the first named storm of the 1992 season. It was a little storm named "Andrew" which steamrolled into Homestead as a cat 5 on August 24th. The area still hasn't fully recovered.

Oh, and for anyone who claims anthropogenic global warming is going to lead to more and more severe storms.... First, inquire if they have enough synapses firing to wipe their own ass, then point them to Dr. William Gray's website, and more specifically to the presentation page. This is really a topic for another time, but suffice it to say that contrary to popular opinion there is no evidence that global warming is leading to more (or more severe) tropical cyclones. Keep in mind that weather satellites have only been around for the last 30 years or so.

Anyone who says otherwise probably would lack the ability to find their own ass with the aid of a flashlight, map, and mirror. So lets pray for the best, and prepare for the worst. I don't know about you, but my hurricane kit has plenty of vodka, spam, and triple-ply Charmin.

On Vick and Bonds...

Well, it seems that two of the major sports stories on the airwaves right now are the chase for 755 and the life and times of Michael Vick. I actually meant to post this a couple weeks ago, but given time to reflect I’ve actually come to a different conclusion. Bear with me.

First, let me say that Michael Vick is a worthless piece of dog squeeze, who at best is guilty of poor judgment. It pains me to say it. I used to admire Michael Vick. I love me some hard-hitting option football, and Virginia Tech is my favorite team outside Lee County, Alabama. That said, Vick has gotten every chance and then some. First it was Ron Mexico, then it was his one finger salute to the fans in A-town, The water bottle incident, and now we have this.

Recently, a Federal Grand Jury indicted Michael Vick, AKA “Ookie”, on charges of “Conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce in aid of unlawful activities”, and “to sponsor a dog in an animal fighting venture”. The details in the indictment are damning to say the least. We also have the little statistic that the conviction rate for defendants who have been indicted by the feds is somewhere north of 94%.

The outcry against Vick has been immediate and harsh. He’s been excoriated in the press and unceremoniously booted from the Falcon’s training facilities. My first inclination was to jump on the bandwagon. I mean I’m a dog lover too, and I’ve got some creative ways I’d suggest to punish those found guilty of the details spelled out in the 19-page indictment. Still this rush to judgement strikes me as being awfully similar to what happened to members of the Duke lacrosse team last year. And I really hesitate to stand lock-step with PETA on any issue.

So, I’m now firmly a member of the “wait and see” camp. The US District Court in Virginia is affectionately referred to as "The Rocket Docket", so we shouldn't have to wait too long. The trail is set to begin in November. This guy has all sorts of problems. I mean how stupid does a person have to be to have a $117 million dollar contract, tons of endorsement deals, be the face of a franchise and one of the top up and coming athletes in America and throw it all away on an illegal animal fighting syndicate? To top it off, one of his partners has flipped, and will be key to the prosecution’s case against Vick. But it’s a honest mistake, who would have thought a friend who went by “P-Funk” would be untrustworthy?

As for Barry, it’s pretty obvious to anyone with a modicum of sense that the guy isn’t exactly au naturale. I mean look at his head in 1986 and today. Hank Aaron’s mark of 755 is considered the most hallowed of all the sports records. No other sport places the importance on statistics and record keeping that baseball does. The fact that Bonds is going to break this record with the aid of chemical enhancement rubs the purists (and, well pretty much everyone) the wrong way.

You will often hear the talking heads prattle on about how Bond’s achievement should be noted with remarks of his assumed steroid use. This is asinine if you ask me. Regardless of what you or I may think, Bonds has never tested positive for anything. That's not naiveté on my part, I'm just stating the facts. If you make exception for Bonds, you pretty much have to invalidate the entirety of the "Steroid Era".

I mean, how often do you hear people give consideration to the number of homers that bonds has hit off of pitchers using performance enhancing drugs? How ironic that Bonds hits the record-tying homer off Clay Hensley, who tested positive for steroids while in the Padres minor league system. Frankly, I’m sick of hearing about it. I’m also sick of Bud Selig. This steroid issue exploded under his watch and indifference, and he's just as culpable as Bonds.


Putting aside personal feelings about Bonds (I think he’s a dick), the guy is easily the best baseball player of this generation and one of the top 5 of all time. Look at the culture of sports today. The importance our society places on the exploits of athletes can be sickening at times. Given the amount of money in play, the competitive nature ingrained in these guys from day one, how can anyone honestly be surprised that some guys are willing to bend the rules (the steroid ban in baseball is only a recent advent of public & congressional outcry).

Think about it, if you were offered the opportunity to pop a pill that had minimal potential long-term side effects (when not abused) and become among the elite at your chosen profession how many people would turn that down? I have a hard time getting fired up over Bonds anymore. I don’t like the guy, but in the end I just really don’t give a shit.

The Cup runneth over...

Well, as most of you know I'm not good about writing and calling and all that stuff, so I figured this would be a good way to converse. Since every other self-important jackass has a blog, I figured I better jump on board too. I'm going to use this forum to give everyone a window in on on the happenings here in North Havana. You may read about such enthralling topics as what I ate for dinner, what movie I watched last weekend, why the option-veer is an under utilized and under appreciated offensive attack, my ne-con fascist ramblings on the politics of the day, or how I can count the number of days I've turned off my air conditioner in the past two years on one hand. Don't take anything on here too seriously. I'm just having fun. Feel free to leave your comments as well, just keep them somewhat tame (yes Potter, you foul-mouthed s.o.b. I'm talking about you) since virgin eyes may be peering in.