Mmmm.... (Chocolate covered) Bacon.

I've been lax in posting lately. This is due in large part, as you've most likely surmised, to the large pile of dog crap in the corner that is the Auburn football season to date. However, I just felt the urge to post this little tidbit I caught this morning. Apparently, Bill Richardson feels fat people need love too. Bill is the governor of N. Mexico and a candidate for the democratic nomination for POTUS. Up to this point I actually thought Bill had some good ideas (contrary to the popular notion I'm not a neo-con fascist war monger). But check this out.

Yesterday Bill called for obese Americans to be brought under the ADA.

"This is an issue of basic civil rights," said Richardson. "There are no federal laws that protect obese Americans from discrimination in the workplace, school, or anywhere else. This must change."

So now fat people are going to get special treatment for a condition they've brought on themselves? You've got to be F-n kidding me - and this is coming from someone who could easily stand to drop 30 pounds. You know, if America would quit eating so much chocolate covered bacon and got their fat ass out and did a little exercise we would all be a lot better off.

And it continues...

In addition to pushing for obese Americans to be brought under the protection of the A.D.A. with oversight belonging to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, Richardson also touted his plan for universal health coverage and called for "dramatically" boosting research efforts associated with obesity.

I love that part in there about "dramatically" boosting research. You know what that means... Dramatic tax increases. Hey Bill, let me save the American Taxpayers hundreds of millions of dollars. I present to you this revolutionary equation that will solve the obesity problem in America.

Calories In < Calories expended = Weight Loss

The universal health care comment is another issue altogether (check out "Sick in America" w/ John Stossel on last week's 20/20 if you missed it), but maybe if we were in better shape we wouldn't have to worry about much other than major medical coverage anyway.

With an eye on phasing out the "freshman 15," Richardson would also like to see federal funds used to encourage colleges to offer physical education classes.

Yeah, because most colleges don't already have Student Act Centers, indoor gyms, weight rooms, bball, tennis, and racquetball courts, swimming pools, running/walking trails, intramural, club, and varsity sports, etc... We should definitely throw some tax money at this dilemma. Anyway, suffice it to say that I now think Bill Richardson is a moron.

I don't want to make light of the issue of obesity in this country. I don't think its hyperbole when it's labeled an epidemic. Still it is a problem that 99% of us have total control over. It just takes some self control and support. You don't have to go overboard either. Portion control has worked well for me. Don't deny yourself good food (Good & nutritious, not that empty calorie crap from McDonalds), you just have to watch the caloric intake.

6 years...

It still seems like yesterday, as the memory of that day will be forever ingrained in my mind. It's one of those "remember where you were" moments. I was down at Claude Peteet, weighing up fish when I first heard. I spent the rest of the day huddled around the TV with Potter and the other grad students in total disbelief of what was going on. It's still hard to get a handle on. I hope this date will always be preserved as a day of remembrance. A tribute to lives cut tragically short, and of the heroism and spirit that defines this grand experiment. God Bless.

Tirals & Tribulations: Lessons in perseverance

Good Lord, fitting is the scripture, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” If the last two weeks are any indication, Auburn fans are going to develop a lot of perseverance in the coming months. Auburn came into this game as a touchdown favorite yet managed to wrestle defeat away from the jaws of victory (with the help of 4 second-half turnovers) in a 26-23 loss to a game South Florida squad in overtime.

As expected, it don’t take long for the online quarterback/play calling savants to point out all of the mistakes and start offering advice on the best way to fix it. “Bench the quarterback the myrmidons cried!” Granted, as a 5th year senior, Brandon Cox’s performance to this point will need to improve before it could be fairly described as mediocre. Still, I can understand why the coaches are hesitant to give up on Cox. Cox is a known (albeit not highly talented) commodity. All we know about Blake Field is that he is capable of handing the ball off and not turning it over against inferior competition. Neil Caudle’s knees are made out of paper mache, and Kodi Burns in the heralded blue chip du jour.

“Let loose with the playbook! hark the cries from above!" Listen, everyone loved the ultra sexy double-reverse-to- the-halfback-fleaflicker play. But guess what, all the fancy play calling and multiple formations doesn’t mean shit when you can’t block, run routes, and catch the ball. When it gets right down to it, in order for Auburn’s offense to work, they must be able to run the ball effectively. To this point, we can’t. Auburn has yet to top 200 yards rushing, averaging 2.6 yards per carry. And I don’t mean 200 yards per game, I’m talking about we’re sitting on 187 total rushing yards through the first two games. That’s pathetic. Until we start running the ball with consistency we are going to continue to struggle on offense. In order for those fancy plays to work, opposing defenses have to fear some part of your offense. They have to fear it to the point that they overcompensate to try and stop it; Thus, leaving them vulnerable to things like play action, mis-direction, and the afore mentioned ultra-sexy wizz bang play. For the last several years, our running game was what opponents feared. Now, it’s more like a running joke (a bad offense deserves a bad pun made it its expense).

***Amber Alert*** Missing: Jason Campbell, Carnell Williams, Ronnie Brown, Kenny Irons, Ben Grubbs, Marcus McNiel, Ben Obomanu, Devin Aromashudu, Anthony Mix. If Found, please return (with a box of chocolate glazed cream filled KKs) to Auburn Athletic Dept. Offices Attn: Al Borges.

I’ve even heard some of the unwashed whine that Borges’ offense has been figured out and he’s really not that good. "Quick! Someone run over to Tommy Bahama, the Gorgeous one has no clothes!" Amazing how fast one goes form genius to idiot after losing 6 offensive players in the top 40 or so picks of the NFL draft over the last two years. We are very young on offense. That’s not an excuse, that’s just a fact. Coach Dye once said you could count on a loss for every freshman you had to play. Well, that’s one down with several more to come.

One area that continues to plague the team, and the one that bothers me the most personally, is our kick coverage. We continue to set the opposition up in tremendous field position by flying down out of control, diving at the ball carriers feet, and then chasing him down as he returns the ball another 15 yards up field. We don’t have a place kicker that can put the ball out of the endzone right now, so it is imperative that we pursue (under control) and tackle. Failure to tackle gave USF a short field on their final game-tying drive. According to Tuberville, there will be some personnel changes made here this week. Good.

In more positive news, I was highly impressed by the play of the defense and the true freshman kicker Wes Byrum. Wes might be the antithesis to that Dye adage, and actually win us a game. The defense gave an inspired performance, stonewalling the USF offense each time the Tiger offense put them in awful position after each turnover. This defense, and our kicking game, will keep us close in every game (provided the offense doesn’t keep turning the ball over 5 times per).

The offensive line played a lot better against USF. They only allowed one sack, and that was more of a case of good coverage down field and Brandon’s perpetual indecisiveness. (Apparently, on that play, he was unable to find triple coverage to float a pass into). Mario Fannin also gave the offense a real spark in the 2nd quarter. The fumbles really hurt, however (evoking of Dye adage here) I think he will learn from that and the offense will be much better as a result. I also noticed that Ben Tate ran the ball much more effectively when Fannin was sharing carries. Their running styles seem to compliment each other well. Gabe McKenzie continues to make me scratch my head and mumble, “Why, exactly, is Tommy Trott starting ahead of this guy again?” The receivers need to step up. Robert Dunn, thus far, is our most consistent guy. Prechae has made a lot of catches, but he’s also dropped a few key passes. Again, this is another area where the coaches have indicated we’ll see some personnel changes.

So, in summation, Auburn’s offense sucks. It does, however, suck slightly less than what is being reported. If/when the ground game starts to once more become reliable, I really think that will translate into Brandon becoming more confident. This should (knock on wood) result in better decisions on his part and fewer turnovers. This season is far from over, and I'm no where near ready to throw throw in the towel. Just keep in mind that right now there are probably a lot of jaded Tiger faithful, and the bandwagon over-floweth with those of the fair weather variety (Winning 36 out of the last 42 will do that). But take heart Auburn fans, it could be worse... We could be wearing the colors of Michigan or Notre Dame.

BREAKING NEWS from Tuscaloosa......

Nick Saban has just announced that he has no interest in the Michigan job. Ha ha. The reason that's funny is because Nick Saban's a first class douchebag who parrots this mantra whenever a coaching position opens up on his never-ending coaching carousel of pain and disenchantment. Lastly in Miami, and LSU before that, and at Michigan State before that, and at Tol.... well you get the picture. What's the genesis of this missive, you may ask? You mean other than the fact that I despise Alabama with a deep-seeded hatred so powerful and so dense that I've inadvertently created my own gravatational field? Well, in case you somehow missed it, we were privy to what could be described as the most monumental upset in college football since Centre College defeated Harvard in 1921. In a game for the ages, Appalachian State beat the mighty Wolverines by a score of 34-32. Michigan was (with a serious stress on the was) ranked #5 at the time and considered a contender for the B(ull)cS(hit) national championship. Appy State wasn't ranked, in fact they are in a lower classification than Michigan. This marks the first time in history that a ranked D-IA school has lost to a D-IAA school. But hey, at least the Michigan fans are taking it well.

Fig. 1 Hatred of bammer spawning gravitational field.

Sow now that's out of the way, on to the real football discussion. You know, the SEC. So what did we learn from week one?

LSU (last week: State, 45-0 win; this week #9 VPI (9:15 EST ESPN): Last week LSU took the bullies out behind the woodshed and laid a whipping on them that would make Mike Vick cry. Still, what do we know about LSU? The chances are good that most teams on State's schedule will skull drag them in similar fashion. LSU's offense looked fairly pedestrian. Of course, with Henig setting up the fighting corndogs on it's side of the 50 yard line with each of his 1,274 interceptions it's not like LSU had too far to go. Matt Flynn looked a lot better in the 2nd half, and Early Doucett had a nice game. Still, we'll find out about LSU this weekend. If I was a betting man, I'd take the under (39 1/2).

Auburn (Last week: Kansas St, 23-13 win; this week S. Florida (9:00 EST ESPN2): Well, different year same results. Auburn's offense sputtered for 56 minutes before finally putting together a drive for the go ahead touchdown. The normally dependable ground game was no where to be found. KSU brought pressure and Auburn's young line was unable to block, backs were unable to block, and wide receivers were unable to fight off single coverage. Bright spots included the tight ends and the kicking game. With the road slate, the close wins from last year are likely to be marked up in the "L" column.

Arkansas (Last week: Troy, 46-26 win; this week bye) Arkansas, the beautiful state. What a pile of shit. Arkansas didn't have a qb complete a pass to a wide receiver until the 3rd quarter. But as long as his most holy, lord and destroyer of the universe stays healthy it doesn't really matter. Just don't get in any more bar fights. Lets see if the Arkansas passing game fares any better against bye. I'm not holding my breath.

Tennessee (Last week: @ #12 Cal, 45-31 loss; this week S. Miss) Claynation has a tremendous account of this one, so I won't try expound on it. Let's just say UT better solidify the D or else Phat is going to have an unwelcomed surprise in his Krispy Kremes.

Mmmmm. Doughnuts

Florida (Last week: WKU 49-3 win; this week Troy) The Tim Tebow show got off to a rousing start, but the defense leaves a lot to be desired. What, exactly, can be ascertained from this beatdown? Not much. Troy appears to be trying for the Around-the-world SEC beatdown award.

Georgia (Last week: Okie St. 35-14 win; this week 'Cocks) The dawgs probably had the most impressive showing of the opening weekend. Okie State was the mediots Cinderella pick going into the opening weekend. UGA laid the smack down. This week should prove to be more of a challenge as Darth Visor brings the 'Cocks strolling into town. It should be a good game.

As for the rest, bama, Vandy, Ole Miss, mildcats all opened with wins. Don't know much about any of these teams at this point, but we should have a much clearer picture on all (except for maybe UK) by this time next week. I look for Vandy to give bammer a good game, and Mizzou to absolutely thrash yar yar yar.

Also, let me use this time to give a hardy F*** You! to ESPN, who in their grand wisdom decided to break into coverage of the Auburn game last week to show the end of a meaningless Red Sox game. Do those idiots actually think the people tuned into the AU/KState game gave a rip about a no-hitter? I mean, I'm sure if you pumped up Aubie with enough steroids even he could no hit the Orioles. KMA Disney Lite, just another case of the man keeping me down!